Four Out-There Restaurants Coming to Stumptown

(This was, of course, and April Fools Joke)

This town is dense with dining establishments and packed with foodies. For anyone with restaurateur ambitions, it’s a tough market to squeeze into and an even tougher crowd to please. While they may not be your dream themes, here’s a rundown of the four most out-there restaurants about to open for business in Portland:

Drive-Thru Sushi

The preparation and quality control of sushi makes it seem like it could never be done. But drive-thru sushi may just be crazy enough to work. In fact, Momijii Japanese Crepes and Sushi down in Salem has been successfully pulling it off for almost two years. A limited selection of menu options with a variety of flavor would go a long way toward ensuring customer satisfaction, just like any other “fast-food” type restaurant.  Look for “Drive-Thru Sushi” to make its debut downtown sometime in late June.

The Time Capsule

In-case-of-disaster food is made to last and has been for years. During the Cold War both sides obsessed over long term food storage in case of nuclear conflict, which never happened. The result has been an abundance of emergency food sitting in warehouses around the world. The owners of this will-be dining establishment are currently in the final rounds of clearance from the Health Department, and expect final approval to sell their suvival food options any day now.

Kill-Your-Own Fowl

We have all heard about restaurants where the chickens are killed on location, ensuring the freshest poultry possible. This so-far unnamed restaurant filling the space of a former taco Bell in north Portland plans on handing off the chicken head-chopping responsibility to the customer. While certainly not for everyone and surely destined to be a citywide controversy, a kill-your-own restaurant will help people make a stronger connection between the food on their plate and the place where it comes from, right?


While another idea that is likely to get a red flag from the Health Department first, plans are currently in the works to turn a former chop suey joint into an establishment that only serves found free food. A consistent menu will be close to impossible, but there’d probably be plenty of local growers who for the chance to show off their crops and support your cause would give you a steady supply of produce. The ever-changing nature of the selection will prove exciting as well as alluring, as well as a philosophy where the customers only pay what they felt the meal and service was worth.

The Portland restaurant scene is a tough one to get into for those just starting out. In order to get the customers you need, you apparently have to grab their attention with a gimmick while ensuring that the grub is equally as enticing. Even if the aforementioned ideas don’t sound like anything you’d want to introduce to Stumptown, they’re sure to catch plenty of peoples’ attention when they finally open their doors.

Amanda Green is a guest writer and a big time foodie. She has written on other subjects in the past but food is always nearest and dearest to her heart.

Your thoughts are welcome

  1. Tricia says

    I do love a good April Fool’s post. :) We finally reach Portland today & I can’t wait to explore the food & city!

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