In a recent meeting with the PortlandFoodandDrink.com editors, we noticed a continuing trend. It doesn’t matter where a chef is cooking, if they are lousy at one restaurant, chances are, they will be lousy at the next… and the next… and the next; this is Portland, after all.
In order to save our dwindling dollars, we will be reviewing all restaurants based on our past experience with the chef. To facilitate this process, we have written a computer algorithm which will pick restaurants based on Facebook and Twitter comments. From there, our servers will search the web to find a menu, and will automatically write a review.
We’ve built plenty of descriptive terms into the software, to make the reviews interesting and engaging to read:
- … nice juxtaposition but the three items seemed to be on an island on the plate.
- … executed with a rare degree of excellence.
- … load of excellent fries!!
- … a piggish rejoinder!!
- … the supporting players steal the show from the seafood supposedly starring in it
Based on our algorithms, we will be able to complete a thorough review the day a restaurant opens, and even before it opens if the menu is posted in advance!!
Expect our first review soon! We are excited to bring you this new system!!
(This is, of course, and April Fools joke)