Portland Food and Drink – Change in Direction

In a recent meeting with the PortlandFoodandDrink.com editors, we noticed a continuing trend. It doesn’t matter where a chef is cooking, if they are lousy at one restaurant, chances are, they will be lousy at the next… and the next… and the next; this is Portland, after all.

In order to save our dwindling dollars, we will be reviewing all restaurants based on our past experience with the chef. To facilitate this process, we have written a computer algorithm which will pick restaurants based on Facebook and Twitter comments. From there, our servers will search the web to find a menu, and will automatically write a review.

We’ve built plenty of descriptive terms into the software, to make the reviews interesting and engaging to read:

  • … nice juxtaposition but the three items seemed to be on an island on the plate.
  • … executed with a rare degree of excellence.
  • … load of excellent fries!!
  • … a piggish rejoinder!!
  • … the supporting players steal the show from the seafood supposedly starring in it

Based on our algorithms, we will be able to complete a thorough review the day a restaurant opens, and even before it opens if the menu is posted in advance!!

Expect our first review soon! We are excited to bring you this new system!!

(This is, of course, and April Fools joke)

Your thoughts are welcome

  1. says

    Finally! Nice to see you leading the charge moving food blogs forward. A server that takes the server out of the equation when rating a restaurant is just brilliant. In the exciting age of Mad Men Season 5, let’s all expect Now Hiring – Copywriter to show up on poachedjobs.com for every new restaurant opening in town. Well done, PFD editorial staff!

  2. Gary says

    At last a logical unbiased approach that eliminates having to eat all that crappy food. Soon we wont need restaurant reviewers. Why even the Oregonian will be able to rate restaurants without checking to see who has the largest advertisement budget.

  3. Mateu says

    No no no. This is all wrong. You need to patent every detail of your plans, including your rating algorithm first. Then you put everything to work, then you can sell your new, proprietary rating algorithm to a leading competitor like Yelp or Urban Spoon, and retire as a Portland billionaire.

    adéu,
    Mateu

    PS you forgot “a high-caliber wine menu.”

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