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Food Limerick Contest 2010!

February 26, 2010 by PDX Food Dude

In July of 2006, I ran a “Food Limerick” contest. It turned out to be one of the most popular contests ever. Thanks to some generous sponsors, I’m going to have a 2010 contest!

A good limerick is not an easy feat. The first two lines come easy enough, but the next aren’t quite so easy. Pay careful attention to the examples below. For that reason, I’ll make it worth your while.

The prizes, you ask? How about a first-prize of a $75.00 gift certificate from Accanto and a  $25.00 gift certificate from Bruce Bauer Bruce Bauer over at Vino Buys in Sellwood? Second prize $25.00 gift certificate to Story Teller Wine Company? Third prize $20 gift certificate to Laughing Planet Cafe? Enough to make it worth while?

This year, the prizes will all be awarded on March 17th; Saint Patrick’s Day!

You’ve all heard limericks at one time or another; I’m sure we all learned the dirty ones when we were ten. Now it is time to put those memories to work.

Here are the rules:

Keep in mind, a limerick has to fit a certain rhythmic meter and rhyme. For example:

A: What is a limerick, Mother?
A: It’s a form of verse, said brother
B: In which lines one and two
B: Rhyme with five when it’s through
A: And three and four always rhyme with each other

Some entries from 2006:

“There’s a hair in my soup!” complained Shirley
to the head waiter, short bald and surly;
“You know, I’m appalled…”
“Ma’am, the whole staff is bald…”
“Yes I know, but the hair’s short and curly!”

You go to a place like Castagna
And order the spinach lasagne
Six pinots later
You flirt with the waiter
And most of it just ends up on ya.

Sweeney ordered a simple crab Louis;
What arrived was an herbed ratatouille.
So he sniffed, turned his head,
Grabbed a lighter, and said,
“Time for waiter flambé, with Drambuie.”

There once was a gourmet of mystery,
Who hid his identity and history
His reviews women read
And swooned in their head
Thinking thoughts that were very non-sisterly

Murmured Wolfgang in tones most appealing
As he poured the food critic’s Darjeeling,
“I’m an Iron Chef, miss…”
He leaned in for a kiss
is equipment now hangs from the ceiling

I said to my girlfriend, “Don’t hurry.”
When she went to Bombay’s for the curry,
but after the fall
and a card from Bengal
I’ll tell you – I’m starting to worry

The rules: All entries must be original. They must be related to food. They must be reasonably clean and in good taste. A panel of judges will narrow down the winning list, the prize will be picked by a vote of readers. Knock yourselves out!

You’ve all heard limericks at one time or another; I’m sure we all learned the dirty ones when we were ten (did they all involve France?). Now it is time to put those memories to work.

Related

Filed Under: Contests and Competition

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. djonn says

    February 26, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    This is at best a marginal effort, but I can’t resist:

    A&E sacks KB, bringing howls
    That the O’s down to nothing but vowels.
    No M.H. at FD,
    So it’s easy to see
    U and I should hold onto their towels.

    There will doubtless be more later as the mood and the culinary rhymes warrant.

    • glainie says

      February 27, 2010 at 9:20 am

      In Portland the burger is treasured.
      From fine dining to carts it is measured.
      Though our dollars are tight,
      there is rarely a site,
      where the beef lover cannot be pleasured.

      • glainie says

        February 27, 2010 at 9:45 am

        It’s been said that we eat with our eyes.
        Not a stretch if you look at my thighs.
        If it’s true, I’m in trouble,
        ’cause my eyes seeing double,
        just ate up two orders of fries!

  2. tapioca_pearl says

    February 27, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    My boyfriend eats nothing but meat,
    but then he demands something sweet,
    I do all the dishes,
    while he eats franks and knishes,
    and then he won’t even rub my feet!

  3. skamama says

    February 28, 2010 at 8:58 am

    My quaffing an Aussie shiraz
    is cause for haute winos to razz.
    Syrah is the plonk
    for a pretentious wonk
    who probably listens to jazz.

  4. polloelastico says

    February 28, 2010 at 9:35 am

    Brooks lost her job as Portland’s critic,
    Some folks deemed her reviews too acidic,
    Internet cretins rejoiced,
    A few spurned chefs became moist,
    And the Oregonian needs a medic.

    • glainie says

      February 28, 2010 at 11:14 am

      It was bacon last year that was shining
      as a showcased component of dining.
      Now the tables have turned,
      and the the pigs have just learned,
      though we loved it before, we’re now whining.

      • glainie says

        February 28, 2010 at 11:42 am

        Aren’t we glad that the Hebb’s in Seattle,
        where one pot can be stirred without rattle?
        Seems the blogs all agree
        that up north he could flee
        with no evident scars from the battle.

  5. ComfortFoodie says

    February 28, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    I used to be on a ” see food diet ”
    If I saw food I’d definitely try it
    then as I got older I sadly found
    that it leads to a shape I’m going to call round
    I wish I could – but I can’t deny it!

  6. Coco N'Nor says

    February 28, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Cooking al fresco’s an art,
    That sets out fair city apart.
    You’d think us quite odd,
    ‘Til you hit a pod,
    And visit our latest food cart.

  7. Coco N'Nor says

    February 28, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    More Asian food now if you please
    Thai, Indian, Pho, Japanese
    With all this cuisine
    Why is Portland so mean,
    Lacking good restauraunts Chinese?

  8. Kolibri says

    February 28, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    In the South we drank plenty o’ bourbon,
    And the rednecks eat ‘que with no shirt on.
    I thought in the West
    Folks loved veggies the best,
    But the taste for pork is most disturbin’.
    :)

  9. J_dub says

    February 28, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    I found myself wandering streets
    In search of the ultimate eats
    At each cart I tasted
    Not one crumb was wasted
    Oh food carts, you make me complete!

  10. Liza says

    March 1, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Most Portlanders love to eat out
    Of that there is clearly no doubt.
    There are rest’rants galore,
    with more always in store,
    It’s surprising we’re all not more stout!

  11. HerschelK says

    March 1, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    There once was a restauranteur
    who’s salmon had grown quite mature
    So using his head,
    he baked doughnut-shaped bread
    And covered his gaffe with salt cure

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bagels%27n%27Lox.jpg

  12. Good Food For Me says

    March 2, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    I think Food Dude is astute
    His blog’s a restaurants tribute
    But his reviews are too slow
    And so we’ll never quite know
    Which restaurant deserves a boot or salute.

  13. meimoya says

    March 3, 2010 at 2:12 am

    In Vancouver, one must go dim summing
    Where the har gao, they just keep on coming
    From the kitchen divine,
    That lo bak kou’s MINE!
    And the cheung fun will soon have me humming…

  14. marparbri says

    March 3, 2010 at 9:42 am

    Portland’s cuisine runs the gamut,
    No matter which side the Willamette.
    In the restaurant battle
    We beat Seattle
    With more choices per capita, damnit!

  15. lisa says

    March 3, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    In the battle of restaurant bands,
    Portland beats SF, down-hands.
    A recent transplant,
    I know where it’s at,
    Portland gets my salivary glands.

  16. meimoya says

    March 5, 2010 at 1:07 am

    The mere sight of that sign
    Is tingling my spine
    Red Velvet, Big Top,
    Fat Elvis, don’t stop!
    St. Cupcake…be mine.

  17. Liza says

    March 6, 2010 at 11:48 am

    I’m a wine drinker most of the time
    I prefer pinot to vodka with lime
    Portland is my home
    And I’ve no need to roam
    Cuz the wineries here are sublime

  18. ComfortFoodie says

    March 7, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Hello everyone my name is Bob
    My favorite food is corn on the cob
    I also love a plate of lasagna
    My wife will say ” don’t get any on ya ”
    I guess ’cause I’m a bit of a slob

  19. Mandee says

    March 8, 2010 at 11:57 am

    My boyfriend and I love to try Portland restaurants for breakfast
    Sometimes there is such a long wait, even longer than at the dentist
    All kinds of scrambles, benedicts and pancakes we’ve tried
    Within Portland we venture to NW, SW and even the East side
    We love brunch and will eat anything on the menu, to be honest.

  20. Johne says

    March 8, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    We Ping and we Pok and we Clyde
    (Over Sel Gris and Carlyle we cried)
    Tonight Ned Ludd? Nostrana?
    I want Kir! No, Castagna!
    Oh, let’s drink and be Immortal Pie’d.

    • polloelastico says

      March 8, 2010 at 2:09 pm

      Nice.

  21. Microfoam says

    March 9, 2010 at 7:13 am

    A sniff suits a scoff
    This drink smells a bit off
    Your bitters are rotten
    Your manners forgotten
    I think they belong in a trough

  22. mzee says

    March 9, 2010 at 8:27 am

    Portland’s secret ingredient in bloody mary,
    is Hot Monkey and can be quite hairy.
    A peppery infusion with the right heat,
    gets the tourists out on the street,
    singing in Voodoo Donuts real scary!

  23. Jessica Roberts says

    March 9, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Sandwich, o sandwich, it’s clear
    You’re the darlingest food of the year
    Torta, steak or bahn mi
    Meat Cheese Bread’s BLB
    In my gullet you’ll soon disappear

    Lest you think that my bread song is done
    I assure you we’ve only begun
    First stop egg, bacon, toast
    Course two: tender beef roast
    With a moon pie that’s second to none

    Still hungry? then skip the salami
    For Ken and Zuke’s tender pastrami
    Vaya torta and ‘cue
    And this Döner’s for you
    Sound the sirens for sando tsunami!

  24. Yeayouright says

    March 9, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    My sugar wanted dessert from one of the carts
    So I carried my own box, I felt pretty smart
    Then lo! I saw my life’s sweetie
    Lapping ice cream with Petey
    And I found out my cupcake was tart!

  25. R Herron says

    March 9, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Why go to the bother of simmering stock?
    when they’re opening another cart on the block.
    Though our wallets are thinner,
    We’re still covered for dinner.
    We can order gourmet, from a guy in a box!

  26. meimoya says

    March 9, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    Down Under they eat Vegemite,
    The first time it gave me a fright.
    Lord! What a smell,
    But to hear Ozzies tell,
    With practice ’twill be a delight.

  27. gogo says

    March 10, 2010 at 8:40 am

    there once was a lass in Northeast
    who’s diet was pork and roast beast
    one day on the scale
    she screamed out a wail
    “Green veggies must be my new feast!”

  28. djonn says

    March 10, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Topical R Us:

    Food Dude wanted the menu and hours
    For a place near the new condo towers.
    But their Flash crashed his browser
    Like an oversexed Schnauzer.
    So their Web site’s been sent to the showers.

    ////

    At the Ringside, the smell was appalling;
    Seems the mildew brigade had come calling.
    So they’ve now pulled up steaks
    For as long as it takes
    For the legend’s bright star to stop falling.

  29. reflexblue says

    March 10, 2010 at 11:46 am

    Grand Central’s croissant are quite flaky
    Fred Meyer’s are downright cakey
    Petite Provence’s are best for dipping
    St. Honore’s baker must be tripping
    You all will think my analysis quite shaky

  30. reflexblue says

    March 10, 2010 at 11:52 am

    As long as there exists rare steak
    I will not be tempted by soy cake
    I have heard the sad song
    from the vegans all year long
    Can we just have dinner for our sake!

  31. djonn says

    March 10, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    Said the Burgerville fan from Yoncalla,
    “The One Ring is the sweet Walla Walla.
    The Vidalia? Too light.
    Foreign Mayas? Not right.
    Walla-Squared is the Onion Valhalla.”

    • Jessica Roberts says

      March 10, 2010 at 2:37 pm

      You are KILLING me! Here I thought salami/pastrami/tsunami was pretty darn good, and then THIS!

      • djonn says

        March 10, 2010 at 9:57 pm

        Salami/pastrami/tsunami is pretty darn good, all the more so since the scansion for the limerick as a whole is also on target. And I haven’t managed anything this year that I’d rank with the best of my efforts from the last time around.

  32. HerschelK says

    March 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    A big purple octopus looming
    Above Washington street, needing grooming
    The place now looks haunted
    ’cause nobody wanted
    A meal that might leave you fuming.

  33. Gabe Finch says

    March 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    Portland’d foodies love anything fry-able,
    A good burger’s worth is undeniable.
    Forego salads of green,
    Opting for the poutine,
    Make these sewer’s repairs justifiable!

  34. Gabe Finch says

    March 10, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    typo: Portland’s not Portland’d

  35. skamama says

    March 10, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    In tasting cuisines far and wide,
    I’ll eat about anything fried.
    The doc says, “I quit,
    find a coffin to fit —
    at least you can say that I tried.”

  36. Gabe Finch says

    March 10, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    “Do you enjoy food more than sex?”,
    My girlfriend inquires, perplexed.
    She started to cry,
    As I rushed to reply,
    “I would if it weren’t for the check.”

  37. Gabe Finch says

    March 10, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    The chorus resounds absolute,
    “Ned Ludd!” all the food critics hoot.
    The wood oven is quaint,
    But delicious it ain’t.
    My order came buried in soot.

  38. Lizzie Zackheim says

    March 10, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Please tell me this is no illusion,
    I’m unable to draw a conclusion,
    Oh yes! I have sighted
    two wolds now united
    Belly smiles, I have found koi fusion.

  39. Jenny says

    March 10, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    there once was a restaurant named Beast
    whose prices left me feeling fleeced
    I do like their cooks
    and their mega-watt looks
    but their food does not give full release

  40. djonn says

    March 10, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    “Your small portions,” said young Miguelito,
    “Aren’t enough to appease a mosquito.”
    “Then I hope you’ll buy more,”
    Said the elder senor,
    “For you see, I’m the Frito Bandito!”

  41. Jen D. says

    March 11, 2010 at 8:11 am

    There once was a brunch spot du jour
    with service both haughty and poor
    how hard can it get
    to have one serviette
    or a spoon in this uber eyesore?

    Said the Chef to the Sous “Know your place!”
    “I’m the current arbiter of your taste.”
    “You don’t have the chops,
    your specials all flops,
    in ten years you can have you own space!”

  42. Jackie says

    March 11, 2010 at 10:35 am

    He preferred to take things much slower,
    But a good time he wanted to show her.
    She said, “Please be quicker,
    with that cabinet of liquor!”
    Liquor cabinet? I hardly know ‘er!

  43. chompy says

    March 11, 2010 at 11:29 am

    What’s that funny hum?
    I’m afraid it’s just the sum
    of franks and beans
    and beers and greens
    in Ivor Wynn D. Bumme.

  44. Jackie M. says

    March 11, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    Better to live in a city of Foodies,
    Than to live anywhere near a city of Cooties,
    So many great shops, restaurants and bars,
    Places you can visit by bus, bike, or car,
    Or picnic at Reeder and dine with the Nudies.

  45. meimoya says

    March 12, 2010 at 12:36 am

    At Autentica, they serve nopales
    “Sunday special,” says Waiter Gonzalez
    Don’t bring me menudo,
    I didn’t come crudo*,
    Chef Oswaldo, where ARE the tamales?

    *hung over…menudo is traditional after a hard night out

  46. Paul Collins says

    March 12, 2010 at 11:31 am

    On Iron Chef, five points for sizzle
    And more for an herb oil drizzle
    But big points are taken
    When you serve the bacon
    And Jeffrey says ‘Yeah, that’s the shizzle’

  47. Paul Collins says

    March 12, 2010 at 11:45 am

    My date tried to order merlot
    And stuck to her guns even though
    I said it’s a sin
    Those grapes kill the zin
    But I shouldn’t have called her a ho

    • meimoya says

      March 12, 2010 at 10:11 pm

      That’s mean…but I’m laughing! Down with “Merlot!”

  48. Paul Collins says

    March 12, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    My vegan wife really gets torqued
    My steak dinner has her uncorked
    But she’s sort of faking
    She really likes bacon
    Even vegans like getting porked

  49. Paul Collins says

    March 12, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    They all used to think me a yokel
    Dumb redneck; sometimes they were vocal
    They thought me a fool
    But now think I’m cool
    I’ve spent my whole life eating local

  50. djonn says

    March 12, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    A bit of culinary advice:

    The New Englanders tend to be louder
    When defending the one true clam chowder.
    Here’s a tip: don’t be quick
    To make chowder too thick;
    Stay away from potato-starch powder.

    And on a related question:

    Where to find the best chowder, my brothers?
    Well, there’s Mo’s and there’s Jake’s, and some others,
    But the one I recall
    As the best of them all
    I can’t get any more — my grandmother’s.

    [When I was small, there were family gatherings every so often during clamming season on the Long Beach Peninsula, which would conclude in the evenings with my grandmother’s homemade New England style chowder made from clams we’d dug ourselves. As far as I’m concerned, that was and always will be the best clam chowder in the world, and not only because of the memories. She was an extremely good cook.]

  51. meimoya says

    March 12, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    In the ’80s, Mom went on a quest
    To serve veggies and whole grains with zest
    With no meat in our bowl,
    Every evening we’d stroll
    Through Enchanted Broccoli Forest

    Though my palate is now more mature
    And dinner might be downed with Latour
    Every once in a while,
    Mama’s number I’ll dial
    For a dish from The Veg Epicure

  52. Paul Collins says

    March 13, 2010 at 7:40 am

    Prosciutto is surely good ham
    And who doesn’t like a good yam?
    But though they are nice
    Sheep pleasure you twice
    I’m glad that I’ve gone on the lamb

  53. Paul Collins says

    March 13, 2010 at 7:45 am

    If I get a last meal on death row
    You can spare me your spendy Bordeaux
    The point tally’s greater
    Just check Wine Spectator
    In a bottle of local Pinot

  54. John Eisenhart says

    March 13, 2010 at 10:33 am

    with my date a bottle of Pinot
    And after a Sherry Fino
    My eyes looked away
    to a blonde in grey
    to wear Matello on my Chinos

  55. chompy says

    March 14, 2010 at 3:29 am

    Old flatulent Major Carew
    ate a volatile Indian stew,
    five beers and a curry,
    some beans in a hurry,
    some franks and some pickles, some….PHEWWW!!!

  56. chompy says

    March 14, 2010 at 11:25 am

    On a castaway isle Henry met a
    mermaid and managed to net her;
    such a tail and such lips!
    such a bosom, such hips!
    such a wonderful shape – Henrietta.

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