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    Food Limerick Contest 2010!

    By PDX Food Dude Last Update November 27, 2017

    In July of 2006, I ran a “Food Limerick” contest. It turned out to be one of the most popular contests ever. Thanks to some generous sponsors, I’m going to have a 2010 contest!

    A good limerick is not an easy feat. The first two lines come easy enough, but the next aren’t quite so easy. Pay careful attention to the examples below. For that reason, I’ll make it worth your while.

    The prizes, you ask? How about a first-prize of a $75.00 gift certificate from Accanto and a  $25.00 gift certificate from Bruce Bauer Bruce Bauer over at Vino Buys in Sellwood? Second prize $25.00 gift certificate to Story Teller Wine Company? Third prize $20 gift certificate to Laughing Planet Cafe? Enough to make it worth while?

    This year, the prizes will all be awarded on March 17th; Saint Patrick’s Day!

    You’ve all heard limericks at one time or another; I’m sure we all learned the dirty ones when we were ten. Now it is time to put those memories to work.

    Here are the rules:

    Keep in mind, a limerick has to fit a certain rhythmic meter and rhyme. For example:

    A: What is a limerick, Mother?
    A: It’s a form of verse, said brother
    B: In which lines one and two
    B: Rhyme with five when it’s through
    A: And three and four always rhyme with each other

    Some entries from 2006:

    “There’s a hair in my soup!” complained Shirley
    to the head waiter, short bald and surly;
    “You know, I’m appalled…”
    “Ma’am, the whole staff is bald…”
    “Yes I know, but the hair’s short and curly!”

    You go to a place like Castagna
    And order the spinach lasagne
    Six pinots later
    You flirt with the waiter
    And most of it just ends up on ya.

    Sweeney ordered a simple crab Louis;
    What arrived was an herbed ratatouille.
    So he sniffed, turned his head,
    Grabbed a lighter, and said,
    “Time for waiter flambé, with Drambuie.”

    There once was a gourmet of mystery,
    Who hid his identity and history
    His reviews women read
    And swooned in their head
    Thinking thoughts that were very non-sisterly

    Murmured Wolfgang in tones most appealing
    As he poured the food critic’s Darjeeling,
    “I’m an Iron Chef, miss…”
    He leaned in for a kiss
    is equipment now hangs from the ceiling

    I said to my girlfriend, “Don’t hurry.”
    When she went to Bombay’s for the curry,
    but after the fall
    and a card from Bengal
    I’ll tell you – I’m starting to worry

    The rules: All entries must be original. They must be related to food. They must be reasonably clean and in good taste. A panel of judges will narrow down the winning list, the prize will be picked by a vote of readers. Knock yourselves out!

    You’ve all heard limericks at one time or another; I’m sure we all learned the dirty ones when we were ten (did they all involve France?). Now it is time to put those memories to work.

    Related

    Category: Contests and Competition.

    Previous Post: « Food Writer Karen Brooks Dumped as Part of Oregonian Purge
    Next Post: Ringside Steakhouse To Open (Temporarily) in Fox Tower »

    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. djonn says

      February 26, 2010 at 9:25 pm

      This is at best a marginal effort, but I can’t resist:

      A&E sacks KB, bringing howls
      That the O’s down to nothing but vowels.
      No M.H. at FD,
      So it’s easy to see
      U and I should hold onto their towels.

      There will doubtless be more later as the mood and the culinary rhymes warrant.

      • glainie says

        February 27, 2010 at 9:20 am

        In Portland the burger is treasured.
        From fine dining to carts it is measured.
        Though our dollars are tight,
        there is rarely a site,
        where the beef lover cannot be pleasured.

        • glainie says

          February 27, 2010 at 9:45 am

          It’s been said that we eat with our eyes.
          Not a stretch if you look at my thighs.
          If it’s true, I’m in trouble,
          ’cause my eyes seeing double,
          just ate up two orders of fries!

    2. tapioca_pearl says

      February 27, 2010 at 8:16 pm

      My boyfriend eats nothing but meat,
      but then he demands something sweet,
      I do all the dishes,
      while he eats franks and knishes,
      and then he won’t even rub my feet!

    3. skamama says

      February 28, 2010 at 8:58 am

      My quaffing an Aussie shiraz
      is cause for haute winos to razz.
      Syrah is the plonk
      for a pretentious wonk
      who probably listens to jazz.

    4. polloelastico says

      February 28, 2010 at 9:35 am

      Brooks lost her job as Portland’s critic,
      Some folks deemed her reviews too acidic,
      Internet cretins rejoiced,
      A few spurned chefs became moist,
      And the Oregonian needs a medic.

      • glainie says

        February 28, 2010 at 11:14 am

        It was bacon last year that was shining
        as a showcased component of dining.
        Now the tables have turned,
        and the the pigs have just learned,
        though we loved it before, we’re now whining.

        • glainie says

          February 28, 2010 at 11:42 am

          Aren’t we glad that the Hebb’s in Seattle,
          where one pot can be stirred without rattle?
          Seems the blogs all agree
          that up north he could flee
          with no evident scars from the battle.

    5. ComfortFoodie says

      February 28, 2010 at 6:38 pm

      I used to be on a ” see food diet ”
      If I saw food I’d definitely try it
      then as I got older I sadly found
      that it leads to a shape I’m going to call round
      I wish I could – but I can’t deny it!

    6. Coco N'Nor says

      February 28, 2010 at 7:08 pm

      Cooking al fresco’s an art,
      That sets out fair city apart.
      You’d think us quite odd,
      ‘Til you hit a pod,
      And visit our latest food cart.

    7. Coco N'Nor says

      February 28, 2010 at 7:18 pm

      More Asian food now if you please
      Thai, Indian, Pho, Japanese
      With all this cuisine
      Why is Portland so mean,
      Lacking good restauraunts Chinese?

    8. Kolibri says

      February 28, 2010 at 7:48 pm

      In the South we drank plenty o’ bourbon,
      And the rednecks eat ‘que with no shirt on.
      I thought in the West
      Folks loved veggies the best,
      But the taste for pork is most disturbin’.
      :)

    9. J_dub says

      February 28, 2010 at 9:03 pm

      I found myself wandering streets
      In search of the ultimate eats
      At each cart I tasted
      Not one crumb was wasted
      Oh food carts, you make me complete!

    10. Liza says

      March 1, 2010 at 4:01 pm

      Most Portlanders love to eat out
      Of that there is clearly no doubt.
      There are rest’rants galore,
      with more always in store,
      It’s surprising we’re all not more stout!

    11. HerschelK says

      March 1, 2010 at 7:59 pm

      There once was a restauranteur
      who’s salmon had grown quite mature
      So using his head,
      he baked doughnut-shaped bread
      And covered his gaffe with salt cure

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bagels%27n%27Lox.jpg

    12. Good Food For Me says

      March 2, 2010 at 3:11 pm

      I think Food Dude is astute
      His blog’s a restaurants tribute
      But his reviews are too slow
      And so we’ll never quite know
      Which restaurant deserves a boot or salute.

    13. meimoya says

      March 3, 2010 at 2:12 am

      In Vancouver, one must go dim summing
      Where the har gao, they just keep on coming
      From the kitchen divine,
      That lo bak kou’s MINE!
      And the cheung fun will soon have me humming…

    14. marparbri says

      March 3, 2010 at 9:42 am

      Portland’s cuisine runs the gamut,
      No matter which side the Willamette.
      In the restaurant battle
      We beat Seattle
      With more choices per capita, damnit!

    15. lisa says

      March 3, 2010 at 2:41 pm

      In the battle of restaurant bands,
      Portland beats SF, down-hands.
      A recent transplant,
      I know where it’s at,
      Portland gets my salivary glands.

    16. meimoya says

      March 5, 2010 at 1:07 am

      The mere sight of that sign
      Is tingling my spine
      Red Velvet, Big Top,
      Fat Elvis, don’t stop!
      St. Cupcake…be mine.

    17. Liza says

      March 6, 2010 at 11:48 am

      I’m a wine drinker most of the time
      I prefer pinot to vodka with lime
      Portland is my home
      And I’ve no need to roam
      Cuz the wineries here are sublime

    18. ComfortFoodie says

      March 7, 2010 at 8:07 pm

      Hello everyone my name is Bob
      My favorite food is corn on the cob
      I also love a plate of lasagna
      My wife will say ” don’t get any on ya ”
      I guess ’cause I’m a bit of a slob

    19. Mandee says

      March 8, 2010 at 11:57 am

      My boyfriend and I love to try Portland restaurants for breakfast
      Sometimes there is such a long wait, even longer than at the dentist
      All kinds of scrambles, benedicts and pancakes we’ve tried
      Within Portland we venture to NW, SW and even the East side
      We love brunch and will eat anything on the menu, to be honest.

    20. Johne says

      March 8, 2010 at 12:03 pm

      We Ping and we Pok and we Clyde
      (Over Sel Gris and Carlyle we cried)
      Tonight Ned Ludd? Nostrana?
      I want Kir! No, Castagna!
      Oh, let’s drink and be Immortal Pie’d.

      • polloelastico says

        March 8, 2010 at 2:09 pm

        Nice.

    21. Microfoam says

      March 9, 2010 at 7:13 am

      A sniff suits a scoff
      This drink smells a bit off
      Your bitters are rotten
      Your manners forgotten
      I think they belong in a trough

    22. mzee says

      March 9, 2010 at 8:27 am

      Portland’s secret ingredient in bloody mary,
      is Hot Monkey and can be quite hairy.
      A peppery infusion with the right heat,
      gets the tourists out on the street,
      singing in Voodoo Donuts real scary!

    23. Jessica Roberts says

      March 9, 2010 at 12:39 pm

      Sandwich, o sandwich, it’s clear
      You’re the darlingest food of the year
      Torta, steak or bahn mi
      Meat Cheese Bread’s BLB
      In my gullet you’ll soon disappear

      Lest you think that my bread song is done
      I assure you we’ve only begun
      First stop egg, bacon, toast
      Course two: tender beef roast
      With a moon pie that’s second to none

      Still hungry? then skip the salami
      For Ken and Zuke’s tender pastrami
      Vaya torta and ‘cue
      And this Döner’s for you
      Sound the sirens for sando tsunami!

    24. Yeayouright says

      March 9, 2010 at 5:15 pm

      My sugar wanted dessert from one of the carts
      So I carried my own box, I felt pretty smart
      Then lo! I saw my life’s sweetie
      Lapping ice cream with Petey
      And I found out my cupcake was tart!

    25. R Herron says

      March 9, 2010 at 7:55 pm

      Why go to the bother of simmering stock?
      when they’re opening another cart on the block.
      Though our wallets are thinner,
      We’re still covered for dinner.
      We can order gourmet, from a guy in a box!

    26. meimoya says

      March 9, 2010 at 11:40 pm

      Down Under they eat Vegemite,
      The first time it gave me a fright.
      Lord! What a smell,
      But to hear Ozzies tell,
      With practice ’twill be a delight.

    27. gogo says

      March 10, 2010 at 8:40 am

      there once was a lass in Northeast
      who’s diet was pork and roast beast
      one day on the scale
      she screamed out a wail
      “Green veggies must be my new feast!”

    28. djonn says

      March 10, 2010 at 10:10 am

      Topical R Us:

      Food Dude wanted the menu and hours
      For a place near the new condo towers.
      But their Flash crashed his browser
      Like an oversexed Schnauzer.
      So their Web site’s been sent to the showers.

      ////

      At the Ringside, the smell was appalling;
      Seems the mildew brigade had come calling.
      So they’ve now pulled up steaks
      For as long as it takes
      For the legend’s bright star to stop falling.

    29. reflexblue says

      March 10, 2010 at 11:46 am

      Grand Central’s croissant are quite flaky
      Fred Meyer’s are downright cakey
      Petite Provence’s are best for dipping
      St. Honore’s baker must be tripping
      You all will think my analysis quite shaky

    30. reflexblue says

      March 10, 2010 at 11:52 am

      As long as there exists rare steak
      I will not be tempted by soy cake
      I have heard the sad song
      from the vegans all year long
      Can we just have dinner for our sake!

    31. djonn says

      March 10, 2010 at 12:04 pm

      Said the Burgerville fan from Yoncalla,
      “The One Ring is the sweet Walla Walla.
      The Vidalia? Too light.
      Foreign Mayas? Not right.
      Walla-Squared is the Onion Valhalla.”

      • Jessica Roberts says

        March 10, 2010 at 2:37 pm

        You are KILLING me! Here I thought salami/pastrami/tsunami was pretty darn good, and then THIS!

        • djonn says

          March 10, 2010 at 9:57 pm

          Salami/pastrami/tsunami is pretty darn good, all the more so since the scansion for the limerick as a whole is also on target. And I haven’t managed anything this year that I’d rank with the best of my efforts from the last time around.

    32. HerschelK says

      March 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm

      A big purple octopus looming
      Above Washington street, needing grooming
      The place now looks haunted
      ’cause nobody wanted
      A meal that might leave you fuming.

    33. Gabe Finch says

      March 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm

      Portland’d foodies love anything fry-able,
      A good burger’s worth is undeniable.
      Forego salads of green,
      Opting for the poutine,
      Make these sewer’s repairs justifiable!

    34. Gabe Finch says

      March 10, 2010 at 12:27 pm

      typo: Portland’s not Portland’d

    35. skamama says

      March 10, 2010 at 1:37 pm

      In tasting cuisines far and wide,
      I’ll eat about anything fried.
      The doc says, “I quit,
      find a coffin to fit —
      at least you can say that I tried.”

    36. Gabe Finch says

      March 10, 2010 at 2:54 pm

      “Do you enjoy food more than sex?”,
      My girlfriend inquires, perplexed.
      She started to cry,
      As I rushed to reply,
      “I would if it weren’t for the check.”

    37. Gabe Finch says

      March 10, 2010 at 3:21 pm

      The chorus resounds absolute,
      “Ned Ludd!” all the food critics hoot.
      The wood oven is quaint,
      But delicious it ain’t.
      My order came buried in soot.

    38. Lizzie Zackheim says

      March 10, 2010 at 4:22 pm

      Please tell me this is no illusion,
      I’m unable to draw a conclusion,
      Oh yes! I have sighted
      two wolds now united
      Belly smiles, I have found koi fusion.

    39. Jenny says

      March 10, 2010 at 8:00 pm

      there once was a restaurant named Beast
      whose prices left me feeling fleeced
      I do like their cooks
      and their mega-watt looks
      but their food does not give full release

    40. djonn says

      March 10, 2010 at 9:59 pm

      “Your small portions,” said young Miguelito,
      “Aren’t enough to appease a mosquito.”
      “Then I hope you’ll buy more,”
      Said the elder senor,
      “For you see, I’m the Frito Bandito!”

    41. Jen D. says

      March 11, 2010 at 8:11 am

      There once was a brunch spot du jour
      with service both haughty and poor
      how hard can it get
      to have one serviette
      or a spoon in this uber eyesore?

      Said the Chef to the Sous “Know your place!”
      “I’m the current arbiter of your taste.”
      “You don’t have the chops,
      your specials all flops,
      in ten years you can have you own space!”

    42. Jackie says

      March 11, 2010 at 10:35 am

      He preferred to take things much slower,
      But a good time he wanted to show her.
      She said, “Please be quicker,
      with that cabinet of liquor!”
      Liquor cabinet? I hardly know ‘er!

    43. chompy says

      March 11, 2010 at 11:29 am

      What’s that funny hum?
      I’m afraid it’s just the sum
      of franks and beans
      and beers and greens
      in Ivor Wynn D. Bumme.

    44. Jackie M. says

      March 11, 2010 at 4:41 pm

      Better to live in a city of Foodies,
      Than to live anywhere near a city of Cooties,
      So many great shops, restaurants and bars,
      Places you can visit by bus, bike, or car,
      Or picnic at Reeder and dine with the Nudies.

    45. meimoya says

      March 12, 2010 at 12:36 am

      At Autentica, they serve nopales
      “Sunday special,” says Waiter Gonzalez
      Don’t bring me menudo,
      I didn’t come crudo*,
      Chef Oswaldo, where ARE the tamales?

      *hung over…menudo is traditional after a hard night out

    46. Paul Collins says

      March 12, 2010 at 11:31 am

      On Iron Chef, five points for sizzle
      And more for an herb oil drizzle
      But big points are taken
      When you serve the bacon
      And Jeffrey says ‘Yeah, that’s the shizzle’

    47. Paul Collins says

      March 12, 2010 at 11:45 am

      My date tried to order merlot
      And stuck to her guns even though
      I said it’s a sin
      Those grapes kill the zin
      But I shouldn’t have called her a ho

      • meimoya says

        March 12, 2010 at 10:11 pm

        That’s mean…but I’m laughing! Down with “Merlot!”

    48. Paul Collins says

      March 12, 2010 at 12:03 pm

      My vegan wife really gets torqued
      My steak dinner has her uncorked
      But she’s sort of faking
      She really likes bacon
      Even vegans like getting porked

    49. Paul Collins says

      March 12, 2010 at 12:29 pm

      They all used to think me a yokel
      Dumb redneck; sometimes they were vocal
      They thought me a fool
      But now think I’m cool
      I’ve spent my whole life eating local

    50. djonn says

      March 12, 2010 at 3:28 pm

      A bit of culinary advice:

      The New Englanders tend to be louder
      When defending the one true clam chowder.
      Here’s a tip: don’t be quick
      To make chowder too thick;
      Stay away from potato-starch powder.

      And on a related question:

      Where to find the best chowder, my brothers?
      Well, there’s Mo’s and there’s Jake’s, and some others,
      But the one I recall
      As the best of them all
      I can’t get any more — my grandmother’s.

      [When I was small, there were family gatherings every so often during clamming season on the Long Beach Peninsula, which would conclude in the evenings with my grandmother’s homemade New England style chowder made from clams we’d dug ourselves. As far as I’m concerned, that was and always will be the best clam chowder in the world, and not only because of the memories. She was an extremely good cook.]

    51. meimoya says

      March 12, 2010 at 10:58 pm

      In the ’80s, Mom went on a quest
      To serve veggies and whole grains with zest
      With no meat in our bowl,
      Every evening we’d stroll
      Through Enchanted Broccoli Forest

      Though my palate is now more mature
      And dinner might be downed with Latour
      Every once in a while,
      Mama’s number I’ll dial
      For a dish from The Veg Epicure

    52. Paul Collins says

      March 13, 2010 at 7:40 am

      Prosciutto is surely good ham
      And who doesn’t like a good yam?
      But though they are nice
      Sheep pleasure you twice
      I’m glad that I’ve gone on the lamb

    53. Paul Collins says

      March 13, 2010 at 7:45 am

      If I get a last meal on death row
      You can spare me your spendy Bordeaux
      The point tally’s greater
      Just check Wine Spectator
      In a bottle of local Pinot

    54. John Eisenhart says

      March 13, 2010 at 10:33 am

      with my date a bottle of Pinot
      And after a Sherry Fino
      My eyes looked away
      to a blonde in grey
      to wear Matello on my Chinos

    55. chompy says

      March 14, 2010 at 3:29 am

      Old flatulent Major Carew
      ate a volatile Indian stew,
      five beers and a curry,
      some beans in a hurry,
      some franks and some pickles, some….PHEWWW!!!

    56. chompy says

      March 14, 2010 at 11:25 am

      On a castaway isle Henry met a
      mermaid and managed to net her;
      such a tail and such lips!
      such a bosom, such hips!
      such a wonderful shape – Henrietta.

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