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Your Guilty Food Pleasures?

October 14, 2008 by PDX Food Dude 45 Comments

Jeffrey Morgenthaler in Eugene Oregon writes an entertaining blog about bartending and (cough) “mixology”. Always a good read, this week he’s written an article on “My Five Guilty Pleasure Drinks”, talking about his secret love for vodka, cheap beer, and Jägermeister, among other scandalous things. I’ve been wanting to ask readers here what their guilty pleasures are. What food do you secretly like that you wouldn’t want anyone to know about?

You have probably read about my secret fondness for Taco Bell when I was in college. I would make an occasional late night visit after a few too many drinks. If I’d had three drinks I would indulge in a couple of plain bean burritos, but more than that I’ll wake up in bed the next day with remnants of a Nacho Supreme scattered through the sheets. As a friend of mine said when he walked in the next morning, “that’s… just….. pretty.” The sad little cardboard nacho tray stuck to my pillow with orange nacho cheese glue didn’t help.

In college, I had a thing for Sara Lee frozen cheesecakes and was known to eat an entire cake in a single sitting. Most of the time I didn’t even wait for them to thaw. The other day I happened across them for the first time in 20 years and was immediately transported back in time. I paused for a moment and actually considered buying one again, but decided it wouldn’t be the same (my entire midlife crisis in 30 seconds.) Then there was the fondness for that horrible canned cheese stuff that you could squirt on crackers – again after many um… drinks. I may have contributed to global warming from all the aerosol cheese (I can’t remember what flavor). I used to see how many I could stick together and put them all in my mouth at once.

Nowadays I tend to be a bit pickier; my friends call me a total food snob because I just don’t eat much that’s bad for me. My biggest guilty pleasure is probably peanut butter; not the organic, natural stuff – hell no! Bring on the Jif Creamy with extra saturated fat. I could (and frequently have), eaten it with a spoon, or even my finger, dipped and swirled around. I know…. pretty.

Guess that will keep any of you from wanting a PB&J at my house!

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Filed Under: Food Writing, Humor

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Alan Cordle says

    October 14, 2008 at 5:18 am

    Two American friends, who’ve been living in Mexico for several years now, made a point of going to the Taco Bell when they came back because they missed it. Unfortunately, their car was burgled in the parking lot and they lost laptops, ipods, etc. All for a burrito supreme.

    Reply
  2. nagrom says

    October 14, 2008 at 9:03 am

    In college I used to practically live off of boxes of stovetop stuffing. While pregnant I spent a week eating nothing but deviled ham sandwiches. Mmmm. Generally I don’t eat too many gross things. My husband on the other hand is often caught downstairs eating slices of cheddar with hot sauce drizzled on top. It’s not the weirdest thing ever, but it’s cold cheese! He could at least melt it on a tortilla or something!
    Oh, does anyone else ever eat mayonnaise sandwiches? I’m wondering if it’s just a southern thing or not.

    Reply
  3. amanda says

    October 14, 2008 at 9:06 am

    Yes, Creamy Jiff!! The best! Forget natural peanut butter, Jiff is far superior. I also eat it straight from the spoon.

    Reply
  4. AAK says

    October 14, 2008 at 10:38 am

    I have to second both Taco Bell and Stovetop. I love them. I also love Tostitos queso in a jar. I can eat that stuff cold with a spoon. I know it’s fake. It’s also delicious.

    Reply
  5. Alexander Craghead says

    October 14, 2008 at 10:43 am

    1.) McDonalds chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce. It’s 100% unnatural. Think about it. Just what part of the chicken is a “nugget”? And the sauce is an odd yellow-brown and the consistency of liquid plastic or maybe thin caulking.

    2.) Chef Boyardee ravioli. Italians ought to be insulted and take out a hit on old Boyardee for smearing good pasta. Noodles are so soft that they nearly disintegrate, the sauce has an odd dark flavor, and the meat filling is superfine, almost to the consistency of pate. Best topped with Kraft shredded pa– err — Kraft grated Paramasean cheese.

    3.) “Candy” coffee. You know this drill, plain air-pot coffee, loaded up with so many Coffeemate vanilla creamers that it resembles some twisted LSD addict’s version of a frappocino than anything that might be called coffee.

    All of these are totally disgusting and yet addicting. Maybe they secretly include crack in the ingredients.

    Reply
  6. Lynn D. says

    October 14, 2008 at 11:17 am

    I prefer curly parsley to flat leaf parsley, dislike truffles or truffle-flavored oil, love Miracle Whip sandwiches (not mayonnaise!). And, oh, that aerosol cheese. . .

    Reply
  7. eatingfortwo says

    October 14, 2008 at 11:32 am

    I salivate just thinking about frosted brown sugar-cinnamon flavored Pop Tarts.

    Ditto Jif and curly parsley. not together though.

    Reply
    • Food Dude says

      October 14, 2008 at 11:47 am

      wow, i haven’t had a pop tart in years!

      Reply
  8. Soooz says

    October 14, 2008 at 11:44 am

    Morningstar Farms vegetarian mini-corndogs. Never the big ones, only the mini’s. Very hard to find…but I did see them at Fred Meyer the other day. Phew!

    Reply
  9. nancy says

    October 14, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    Blueberry frosted Pop-Tarts with vanilla ice cream
    Crunch ‘n Munch
    Any kind of frozen egg roll
    Sweetened condensed milk straight from the can
    Peanut butter from the jar
    One that did not work out: a few years ago, I decided to try to relive my ultimate fifteen-years-old-with-the-munchies culinary delight, by biting into a Hostess Cherry Pie, which tasted, thirty years later and without the pot-assist, like cough syrup enrobed in a Crisco crust

    Reply
  10. Dave J. says

    October 14, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    Totino’s Party Pizza. Those suckers are about $1.09 each (price unchanged in the past 10 years–they’re inflation proof!!!), loaded with about 1200 calories (98% of which are from fat), and contain not one product not grown in a laboratory. Nevertheless they are 100% delicious, and I am 110% ashamed to love them so very much.

    Reply
  11. brewmaster says

    October 14, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    Creamy peanut butter atop a stack of pancakes with maple syrup.
    Nilla wafers and milk.
    York peppermint patties.
    Taco Bell at 2am.
    Tots and dogs at Low Brow Lounge.

    Reply
  12. The Wizard Tim says

    October 14, 2008 at 1:56 pm

    +1 for Taco Bell, Peanut Butter on top of pancakes (though i use Buttermilk Eggo waffles), also Totino’s, if you cook two at a time, then make a sandwich with them, and top it with sour cream, it becomes a most beautiful thing. Sara Lee Cheesecake, Sunday night breakfast treat as a child, have to have the Strawberry topping, NOT the cherry.

    Reply
  13. beefnbrew says

    October 14, 2008 at 3:00 pm

    Fritos Scoops with canned Bean Dip. I can eat the whole can in about 2 minutes. Disgusting but good! But not later. Later is bad. Real bad.

    Reply
  14. eatingfortwo says

    October 14, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    Forgot to mention that unfrosted brown sugar-cinnamon Pop Tarts are great buttered.

    Reply
  15. nancy says

    October 14, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    Anybody remember the Sara Lee All-Butter Coffee Cake, which you baked in its aluminum pan, until it shrank in on itself and became a cakey-crusty buttery goo? With buttery crumbles? I don’t think Sara Lee makes it anymore, nor their frosted brownies, which were thick and chewy and fantastic right from the freezer.

    Reply
  16. buck says

    October 14, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    oh, this is so much fun.
    Totino’s Party Pizza – but only the “combination” sausage and pepperoni
    Frit-o-lay’s bean dip and jalapeno cheddar. Pure chemical goodness.
    Taco Bell Double Decker Taco Supreme and a Grilled, Stuffed Steak Burrito. mmmm
    creamy Jif peanut butter and nutella sandwhiches. On white bread. with milk.
    Jimmy Dean sausage. With syrup.
    Best. Breakfast. Ever.: fried eggs, fried spam and steamed rice. With sambal.

    Reply
  17. Laurel Barton says

    October 14, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    Bugles and Easy Cheese — we eat them on Coast trips, which luckily are only a couple of weekends a year. So fun to squirt the cheese in the little cones! Takes me back to camping out in high school with my gal pals. Also, fishsticks, Tater Tots and Green Giant peas. Again a trip back-in-time, mid-century comfort food!

    Reply
  18. Joanna says

    October 14, 2008 at 6:23 pm

    1. I’m a sucker for Betty Crocker Cherry Chip cake from a mix, with pink buttercream frosting (the powdered sugar kind -NOT the kind in a can!) Even though chemicals in my food bum me out in general – particularly when it comes to cake and cookies -there is something just so nostalgically pleasing about that junk, in a pink princess birthday cakey sort of way. So good.

    2. Brown sugar mixed with powdered sugar in a bowl. Add a little butter, salt, and a few drops of milk and stir: Presto: butterscotch frosting, eaten straight with a spoon. Also great with a little scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. Ohhhh yeah!

    3. Pimento-stuffed green olives (with the brine) smooshed into cream cheese and then spread onto saltines. Eaten while watching a rerun of the Brady Bunch, followed by Gilligan’s Island and then The People’s Court with Joseph Wapner and Doug Llewelyn.

    Reply
  19. sidemeat says

    October 14, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    Jiffy Pop and Hamm’s
    While posting on a food blog.

    Reply
  20. Flask Mama says

    October 14, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    To Nagrom, response #2, I too will eat a big hunk of cheddar cheese with hot sauce drizzled on top. Yum. I am also a fan of the Eggo waffle toasted with butter AND peanut butter. Hot ‘n’ Spicy Cheez Its. I can inhale a whole box. Besides that I just drink plain tea and eat dry toast.

    Reply
  21. Laurameg says

    October 14, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    Cheetos. The crunchy kind. Nothing more incriminating than orange fingertips.

    And I recently discovered Kettle Chips’ Buffalo Bleu chips to be an addictive substance on the level of my past cigarette addiction. Those will not be returning to my grocery cart soon, as I will eat the whole bag.

    In the dessert category, I mix a big glob of peanut butter with chocolate chips and eat with a spoon. And then hope my husband doesn’t notice that the peanut butter supply in our house has dropped precipitously.

    Reply
  22. Food Dude says

    October 14, 2008 at 10:59 pm

    Laurameg, I did the the peanut butter chocolate choco thing once too – so good! I was kind of in an altered state at the moment – that’s my excuse.

    Reply
  23. truthypup says

    October 15, 2008 at 12:29 am

    1. pnut butter + choco chips + water + vanilla + microwave, then pour on vanilla ice cream. yum.
    2. oroweat potato bread sandwich with mayo and tillamook cheddar
    3. taco bell mexican pizza
    4. ritz + crm chz + cocktail sauce
    5. trader joe’s tempura vegetable birds nests

    Reply
  24. kabel says

    October 15, 2008 at 9:21 am

    FD I thought I was the only one with the Easy Cheese (American flavor) and Wheat Thin addiction! It’s easier to justify if you go with the “reduced fat” Wheat Thins.

    Totino’s, not the Party Pizza, but the Pizza Rolls-microwaved.

    Nalley’s refrigerated French Onion Dip, with cheap ridged potato chips, no Ruffles or fancy pants Kettle Chips. They must be the kind that come two plastic bags to a box. Western Family used to make the perfectly matched chip.

    Candy Corns with a glass of milk.

    Pork Flavored Top Ramen

    And of course, Taco Bell. I could eat a Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme every day.

    Reply
  25. kabel says

    October 15, 2008 at 9:23 am

    Oh, and how could I forget Lil’ Smokies!?

    Reply
  26. ATrain says

    October 15, 2008 at 11:34 am

    Canned generic chili. Add grated cheese to the pot and serve between two flour tortillas.

    Reply
  27. eatingfortwo says

    October 15, 2008 at 11:54 am

    Brand name Kraft macaroni and cheese with a little bit of Pace salsa mixed in.

    Generic graham crackers (Honey Maid are too crumbly and taste like they have too much baking soda or something) with butter. Or leftover frosting.

    Here’s an extra gross one: Refrigerated biscuit dough straight from the can. Not Grands, though – big waxy chunks of shortening in those.

    Reply
  28. rj fenley says

    October 15, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    i’m shameless about these pleasures:

    graham crackers with that marshmallow cream in a jar. try it, eatingfortwo.

    one white castle fish sandwich with cheese, three white castle cheeseburgers and an order of fries with cheese at 4:00 a.m. in select cities.

    ditto on the pop tarts with ice cream. the manufacturer once suggested recipes on the side of the boxes, including one with apple sauce. don’t try it; stick with the tart ‘n cream option.

    double decker taco supreme. and i have passed out with t. bell scattered on me too.

    waffle house: scattered, smothered, covered, diced.

    Reply
  29. Brandie Kajino says

    October 15, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Oh boy, there’s something about that crazy Taco Bell cheese sauce that just can’t be beat. I also indulge in the occasional cinnamon rolls in the can (the “big” flaky kind), McD’s french fries and a freezer pizza. There, I said it. :)

    Reply
  30. Paul Gerald says

    October 15, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    Mmmm, Cheetos — or chili cheese Fritos. And Nutter Butters. But, for some reason, only on the road. In fact, I’m on the road right now, and just today I stopped into a Food Mart for a bag of extra crunchy cheetos, nutter butters, and a big bottle of Minute Maid Lemonade. I wouldn’t go near this stuff at home, so why on the highway? No idea.

    And here’s another one, not so much a guilty pleasure, but just … weird. For some reason, since childhood, I have mixed my peanut butter and jelly into a goo. It looks particularly gross with something like Smuckers Concord Grape. It turns into this hideous, purple paste, which I lap up like nobody’s business. More recently, I’ve tried all sorts of other options, and the best is almond butter with apricot jam.

    I like the taste, but there are also practical advantages: when you bite into one side, nothing squirts out the other! And over the years I have turned many folks onto this. I do love to spread weirdness.

    Reply
  31. grapedog says

    October 16, 2008 at 11:05 am

    Wow, such memories of “Freestyle Eating” from the past. Of course, I cannot eat any of this stuff now that i’m a 40-something guy with a high cholesterol level in my blood.

    Here are some of my past memories. Most of which were experienced during college when I didn’t quite focus on the USDA Food Groups.

    – Cottage cheese and canned fruit cocktail (from a can). Protein, carbs and a million calories. Snacking!
    – Pop n Fresh (SP?) Cinnamon Rolls – you peel the label, smack the tube on the counter, bake the rolls and smear the “frosting” on before eating
    – Frozen egg rolls (the little ones) – consumed FROZEN with a beer chaser
    – Scrambled eggs with cottage cheese
    – An entire package of Sizzlean “bacon” cooked up with fried eggs after a late night of drinking.

    Regarding the JIF comments above, after eating real peanut butter (Adams, etc), eating JIF is like eating brown Crisco! UGH!

    Reply
  32. kelly says

    October 16, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    Mrs. Weaver’s pimento cheese, on lightly toasted wonder bread. Man I miss that!

    Reply
  33. neat Ellen says

    October 16, 2008 at 8:49 pm

    As a former pastry chef I can’t believe I’m admitting to this but here goes:
    #1……Frosted Cherry Pop Tarts!!!

    then:
    Capt’n Crunch w/ Crunchberries
    Ruffles potato chips dipped in cottage cheese
    Little smokies in a combo of catsup & BBQ sauce
    Charelston Chews & Laffy Taffy
    Cheetos…chrunchy!!

    Yum…I’m off to raid the cupboard

    Reply
  34. Jessica Roberts says

    October 16, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    I love hot dogs, and I’m not even ashamed of it! I generally get kosher hoping the’re less mystery-meat evil, but I love love love “encased meats” (as Hot Doug calls them).

    Also, and this is one that gets some weird looks, pickles and milk. I started this as a kid and I still love it. something about the acidic pickle meeting the creamy milk is totally delicious to me.

    And although I haven’t had one in about 8 years, I could eat a Taco Bell 7-layer-burrito any day.

    Reply
  35. RosePetalTea says

    October 20, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    Ohhh this is a good one FoodDude!

    Every 3 years or so something comes over me, and I find myself in the grocery store with a loaf of WONDER BREAD and a package of BOLONEY. If the nostalgia is especially strong, I also buy a package of PIMIENTO BALONEY. Then I take them home, smear the bread with Best Foods mayonnaise, plop on the baloney, close the sandwich and take it to the bedroom to eat.

    Once in a great while, I buy pimiento cheese spread, cheddar squirt cheese and a box of Triskets. This sounds good to me right now actually.

    I once ate an entire quart of homemade dill pickles. (OK I was 14.)

    I once ate an entire homemade lemon meringue pie. (OK I was 14.)

    I once survived for 6 months eating nothing but leftover grub from a Taco Bell at which my cousin worked. I worked the late shift and got back to our apartment at around 12:45 A.M.. She got home shortly thereafter with a big bag of lukewarm tacos, burritos, potato thingies, and chocolate hand pies–all of which we solemly and gratefully ate. (OK I was 19.)

    Reply
  36. pam says

    October 21, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    Yes! on the Jif P.B, and then there’s grilled American Cheese on white bread, Taco Bell bean and cheese burritos (which I must have eaten a mountain of in my youth), and fried baloney-it puffs up. But high on the list is raw pie crust, or the mixture of melted butter and flour you start a roux with. Sad but true.

    Reply
  37. meimoya says

    October 22, 2008 at 12:47 am

    Guilty pleasures un-obtainable in Asia indulged in on a recent trip stateside:
    Grape and Strawberry flavored Nerds, Junior Mints, 7-Layer Burritos at Taco Bell, Burgerville Blackberry Milkshakes, McDonalds fries, and Sour Patch Kids. The key to fully enjoying the Sour Patch Kids is to lick the tip of your finger once you’ve consumed all the kids, then dip it in the remaining soury goodness at the bottom of the bag, and savor that last puckered mouthful…

    Reply
  38. Deb says

    October 22, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    Devil’d ham on white bread with miracle whip. I can thank my Grandma Lillie for that one. It’s one of the last things she asked to eat, in fact.

    Slice a pickle, fill with cream cheese, wrap all with lunchmeat (whatever you’ve got), and eat.

    Sugar sandwiches, although I’ve not indulged in that one since I was about 9. White bread, white sugar.

    My wife loves peanut butter and chocolate chips on a tortilla, warmed under the broiler for a minute.

    Reply
  39. Paul Gerald says

    October 22, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    Deb — You mean you didn’t mix that sugar with butter on that Sugar Sandwich? That was the best part!

    Reply
  40. Cuisine Bonne Femme says

    October 22, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    Mine: Pepperidge Farm sliced white bread slathered with yellow mustard, a slice or two of thin Bavarian ham and grilled in butter.

    My sister’s: Same bread as above layered with American cheese, dill pickles slices and potato chips (yes, put the potato chips in the sandwich) and grill. Amazing.

    Reply
  41. Denise says

    October 23, 2008 at 6:55 am

    Peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches.

    Reply
  42. Elyse says

    October 23, 2008 at 9:18 am

    Onion Dip made with Lipton Onion Soup mix and sour cream. Fancier ones just make the grade for me, love chewing on those bits of dehydrated onions…

    Reply
  43. Karen says

    October 24, 2008 at 9:37 am

    This comment list is like a list of all the great processed foods, we secretly love but publicly scorn. What does that tell us about our guilty pleasures and the bad rap processed foods have received ;) We should just all come out of the closet.

    Similarly to add to this list, I don’t love it but sometimes feel like the salty taste of SPAM. When I say this most people usually say, “I’ve never had Spam! That’s gross!” But I know they secretly love it too :)

    BUT something I’m totally addicted to, and would ask my husband everyday after he came home from work when I was pregnant, if he had stopped and gotten my McDonald fries (not from any other place but there). I’m not pregnant now, but I still LOVE those fries.

    Reply
  44. mzwong says

    October 24, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    – Flamin’ Hot Cheetos with Lime – so full of msg and actually pretty hot. As soon as you stop eating them you feel the burning, so you have to keep eating. As a coworker described them “like emptying an ashtray down your throat”. Yes, but in a good way!
    – Graham crackers with canned chocolate frosting
    – Cambazola cheese with Nutella on baguette. It’s really good!
    – Peanut M&Ms
    – raw cookie dough
    – Dot’s cheese fries with jalapeños

    Reply

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