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    Food Limerick Contest for 2006!

    By PDX Food Dude Last Update April 20, 2018

    Ken over at Andina has generously sponsored this contest with a $25.00 gift certificate. Thank you Andina! Their bar is one of my favorite hangouts for tapas and pisco drinks.*

    You’ve all heard limericks at one time or another; I’m sure we all learned the dirty ones when we were ten (did they all involve France?). Now it is time to put those memories to work.

    Announcing Portland Food and Drink’s first food Limerick Contest.

    A limerick has to fit a certain rhythmic meter. For example:

    A: What is a limerick, Mother?
    A: It’s a form of verse, said brother
    B: In which lines one and two
    B: Rhyme with five when it’s through
    A: And three and four always rhyme with each other

    Here’s one I liked about food… and er, college:

    brownie by Chris Doyle

    They’re chocolaty, nutty, and square,
    And in college were fun to prepare.
    Marijuana was mixed
    In the brownies we fixed.
    When we ate them, we floated on air.

    The rules: They must be original. They must be related to food. They must be reasonably clean and in good taste. A panel of judges picked by me will narrow down the winning list, the first prize will be picked by a vote of readers. Knock yourselves out!

    We’ll leave the contest open for two weeks. Submit as many as you want in the comments. Winner will receive a $25.00 gift certificate to Andina.

    Related

    Category: Contests and Competition.

    Previous Post: « Review: 5th Quadrant
    Next Post: Review: Aladdin’s Café »

    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. The Mick says

      July 14, 2006 at 11:06 pm

      There once was a man fondly known as Food Dude,
      And often his website is to what I am glued.
      It’s where I will learn
      To spend what I earn
      On fantastic eats, all the while getting stewed.

    2. Food Dude says

      July 15, 2006 at 1:44 am

      Can’t say a word.

    3. Djonn says

      July 15, 2006 at 11:05 am

      For a start:

      Mutant hamsters in this online comic
      Have worked wonders in things gastronomic;
      That much chocolate ganache
      Is worth serious cash–
      But the calorie count? Astronomic.

    4. Djonn says

      July 15, 2006 at 11:38 am

      And while we wait for the first one to pass moderation:

      Ah, the blueberry, ever so humble,
      Nonetheless sets my tummy to rumble;
      Be it cobbler, sorbet,
      Muffin, sauce, or parfait,
      Or your grandmother’s old-fashioned crumble.

    5. Djonn says

      July 15, 2006 at 11:59 am

      The muse is working overtime this morning, I guess….

      At the booth of the King of Pastramis
      Those who carve out the portions are swamis;
      By the sandwich or pound
      They make bellies grow round
      As the food police cry for their mommies.

    6. cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 15, 2006 at 12:05 pm

      There once was a restaurant named Ripe
      Which led to the public’s gripe
      The press they did swoon
      Michael lit up the room
      But the tripe was merely just hype

    7. blase says

      July 15, 2006 at 2:27 pm

      There once was a blogster named Nick,
      Who was a litigious prick.
      When derided on boards,
      He would call on his hordes,
      Cuz barristers know every trick.

    8. The Mick says

      July 15, 2006 at 3:10 pm

      Genoa was once top of the bunch
      Then Paley’s Place came, packing a punch.
      Beating, by a mile
      The likes of Carlyle,
      Park Kitchen, Olea and Nostrana’s lunch.

    9. cognos2000 says

      July 15, 2006 at 3:45 pm

      There once was a server with ‘tude.
      On good days he was merely rude.
      He thought he was hip,
      With his comments so flip.
      But many found him to be lewd.

    10. The Mick says

      July 15, 2006 at 3:56 pm

      The duck at Andina, the cassoulet at Roux
      Are dishes I’ve tried and suggest you do to.
      The veal at Park Kitchen
      Was no less than bitchin’
      But nothing compares to my mum’s Irish stew.

    11. Djonn says

      July 15, 2006 at 5:18 pm

      And one more….

      She ate tuna and white cannellini
      As she sat in a booth at Pastini.
      “This is good,” she declaimed,
      “So the chef must be blamed,
      If I no longer fit my bikini.”

    12. Michael Charles says

      July 15, 2006 at 11:54 pm

      Great work so far from all you budding poets, especially The Mick, Djonn and blase who are clearly pouring their heart into their art. Keep some of that powder dry, however.

      Rumor has it that Food Dude will be launching a sonnet writing contest in the near future. Prize is reported to be a gravy-stained copy of The Complete Works of Willy Shakespeare, signed by the master himself and including the original handwritten version of “There once was a man from Nantucket. . .”

      Best regards,
      Michael Charles

    13. sidemeat says

      July 16, 2006 at 1:29 am

      On Friday a couple I served
      Their order was very reserved
      No meat, no fish, no dessert please
      Not a bit hungry, do you have any teas?
      My attentions to them I conserved.

    14. cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 16, 2006 at 9:05 am

      Trendy restaurant one sunny Spring day,
      Over the toilet, head bowed we did pray
      The food was just sad,
      and the service drove us mad
      Unfortunately we still had to pay

    15. Food Dude says

      July 17, 2006 at 1:47 am

      To eat, or not to eat; that is the question.

    16. Chompy says

      July 17, 2006 at 1:52 pm

      “there’s a hair in my soup!” complained Shirley
      to the head waiter, short bald and surly;
      “You know, I’m appalled…”
      “Ma’am, the whole staff is bald..”
      “Yes I know, but the hair’s short and curly!!”

    17. Chompy says

      July 17, 2006 at 2:08 pm

      “This thing in my soup, my dear waiter,
      has just climbed up on the potato..”
      “Then drink the juice first,
      thereby quenching your thirst,
      and he’ll leave when the tide goes out, later.”

    18. cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 17, 2006 at 2:12 pm

      The 5th Quadrant is a north Portland pub
      You can go for a beer or the grub
      The reviews are coming in
      Some say service is a win
      Others feel they’ve been given the snub

    19. Chompy says

      July 17, 2006 at 2:14 pm

      When I asked the Maitre d’
      what might this green soup be
      called,um, petitt poyse,
      he said, “Shhh! less noise!
      Some think it tastes like p’ !”

    20. Sir Loins says

      July 17, 2006 at 2:30 pm

      Sidemeat and Pork Cop are a duo
      Two hash-slingers in aprons you will rue
      The day that you cross
      Your tip (their loss?)
      With gratuity thus: “Thanks for the food!”

    21. cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 17, 2006 at 4:10 pm

      Chompy. One word: Outrageous!
      Made me spit up my coffee I was laughing so hard.

    22. well seasoned says

      July 17, 2006 at 11:52 pm

      It’s been a while since I’ve posted (busy summer and all that), but I can’t resist the limerick contest:

      When Karen Brooks writes about food
      She strives to exude hipster ‘tude.
      But she’s so over-ripe
      That she falls for mere hype
      And our best restaurants aren’t reviewed.

    23. formerly apcow says

      July 19, 2006 at 8:38 pm

      “Is this a pork steak or iguana?”
      My wife asked me once at Nostrana
      An asparagus bed?
      A goulda cheese spread?
      This dish is a fata morgana

    24. formerly apcow says

      July 19, 2006 at 8:50 pm

      You go to a place like Castagna
      And order the spinach lasagne
      Six pinots later
      You flirt with the waiter
      And most of it just ends up on ya.

    25. well seasoned says

      July 19, 2006 at 9:35 pm

      A restaurant name like Fenouil
      Provokes a bad case of ennui.
      If they can’t pronounce it
      The public will trounce it.
      Choose a name like Cafe des Amis!

    26. Food Dude says

      July 19, 2006 at 10:48 pm

      Aw.. I new you’all had it in you!

      As far as judging these. I think fitting the standard meter is most important, then there is sticking with the theme (food), and finally I think it should be clever or make me laugh.

      The judges will be various people that have written for this site.

    27. sidemeat says

      July 20, 2006 at 1:26 am

      Tonight some people came to dine
      Pleasant company and good wine
      Their dining was adventurous
      And tipping was generous
      The pleasure is devine

    28. Djonn says

      July 20, 2006 at 9:32 am

      Sweeney ordered a simple crab Louis;
      What arrived was an herbed ratatouille.
      So he sniffed, turned his head,
      Grabbed a lighter, and said,
      “Time for waiter flambé, with Drambuie.”

    29. C&S says

      July 20, 2006 at 9:46 am

      There once was a gourmet of mystery
      Who hid his identity and history
      His reviews women read
      And swooned in their head
      Thinking thoughts that were very non-sisterly

    30. formerly apcow says

      July 20, 2006 at 9:58 am

      There once was a girl from Myanmar
      Who kissed me point blank in a bar
      “Excuse me,” she said
      “But your nose is so red..”
      “I thought you were pinot noir.”

    31. formerly apcow says

      July 20, 2006 at 10:01 am

      A vegan’s plate isn’t complete
      Without lentils and flax seed and beets
      But this place ain’t trendy
      (I think I’m at Wendy’s)
      So I’ll order a big plate of meat

    32. well seasoned says

      July 20, 2006 at 3:00 pm

      All hail to the stalwart Food Dude!
      His website is helpful and shrewd.
      He hates food that’s trendy,
      Pretentious and spendy,
      And leaves no hot spot unreviewed.

    33. Cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 20, 2006 at 3:15 pm

      Portland Food and Drink gave a review
      It was read by more than a few
      The restaurant did whine
      As staff poured out the wine
      The menu they did redo

    34. cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 20, 2006 at 3:18 pm

      How is the salad you say?
      Actually it tastes quite like hay
      So please take my plate
      Because the fish looks like bait
      I should have ordered the cheese tray

    35. Food Dude says

      July 20, 2006 at 3:48 pm

      We are definetly getting some great entries now, but the one from C&S made me spit my drink all over my desk ;)

      It could be that I am going to a party this weekend, and have been asked to bring 4 gallons of my “Hot Day Drink”, so am taste testing it to make sure the proportions are correct. But I thought that was hilarious.

      Thanks for all the great entries!

    36. cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 20, 2006 at 4:19 pm

      Food Dude’s writings can be so instructive
      C&S also thinks they’re seductive
      Me, I’m privy to say
      After a bottle or so of rosé
      I too, would feel quite reproductive

    37. singingpig says

      July 20, 2006 at 5:00 pm

      I ate my first tomato last Monday
      Oh my, what a fun day!
      Warm, juicy and sloppy
      It made me so hoppy
      To eat my first tomato last Monday

    38. singingpig says

      July 20, 2006 at 5:03 pm

      The tomatoes are ripe, pass the salt!
      For awhile all work must halt
      I like mine
      Still warm from the vine
      With cracked pepper and Jim Dixon’s salt

    39. cognos2000 says

      July 20, 2006 at 6:24 pm

      When I go out to dine at Carlyle
      I know I will leave with a smile.
      The service is great
      And my meal a small fete.
      So I think I will linger awhile.

    40. Food Dude says

      July 20, 2006 at 6:24 pm

      I thought the server was rude
      When he walked to our table quite nude
      We ordered wine by the glass
      And he seemed like an ass
      When it was he, who was obviously crude

      A most serious waiter from France
      Looked at me as I ordered, askance
      “Of course we have snails”
      “But no pale ales”
      On our wines you must take a chance

    41. witzend says

      July 20, 2006 at 7:20 pm

      In pondering where to have dinner,
      I scan fooddude’s site for a winner.
      I’m thinking of dim sum,
      to gorge on, and then some.
      Perhaps that is why I’m not thinner

      ***

    42. formerly apcow says

      July 20, 2006 at 7:58 pm

      She gracefully sliced a zucchini
      Then mixed it in saffron linguine
      “What is it?” I asked
      When she brought out the glass
      “I call it a clambake martini

    43. formerly apcow says

      July 20, 2006 at 8:11 pm

      My nook has withdrawn to my cranny.
      Why are my palms ever so clammy?
      Oh yeah, I remember:
      In this vinyl splendor
      I’ve just tried “Moons Over My Hammy.”

    44. the mick says

      July 20, 2006 at 8:15 pm

      I went to Carafe for the foie gras terrine,
      But PETA were there creating a scene
      And boy were they loud
      As I fought through the crowd.
      It wasn’t with envy for which they were green.

    45. well seasoned says

      July 20, 2006 at 11:00 pm

      Oh, what have they done to Pho Van?!
      Its color and charm are all gone!
      Silk is white, beige, and black –
      Decor by a hack –
      Now even the food’s looking wan.

    46. formerly apcow says

      July 21, 2006 at 7:24 am

      Something is wrong with this meal
      The pineapple chunks: Not ideal
      It’s goopy and runny
      and drips on my tummy
      This jello has not yet congealed!

    47. formerly apcow says

      July 21, 2006 at 7:37 am

      It’s easy to sit down, I bet
      With Cointreau, Pernod, and Fernet
      But it can be hard
      To find a good bar
      That does more than just make you wet

    48. formerly apcow says

      July 21, 2006 at 7:58 am

      There once was a girl from Vancouver
      Whose girth made it hard to remove her
      The staff tried a hook
      But then, said the cook:
      “I say that we simply dehoove her”

    49. Djonn says

      July 21, 2006 at 9:32 am

      Murmured Wolfgang in tones most appealing
      As he poured the food critic’s Darjeeling,
      “I’m an Iron Chef, miss . . .”
      He leaned in for a kiss . . .
      His equipment now hangs from the ceiling.

    50. well seasoned says

      July 21, 2006 at 10:56 am

      When I see PETA target Carafe
      For serving foie gras, I just laugh.
      Pascal won’t be swayed
      By this bird-brained crusade.
      Combat contre un francais? C’est une gaffe!

      [NOTE: I’d have put that accent under the “c” in “francais” if I could’ve.]

    51. Food Dude says

      July 21, 2006 at 12:10 pm

      well seasoned: Check out this simple web page You just find the uncommon letter you need, and click on it. A strange code pops up in the box. Just paste that into your comment in place of the letter you need. It will look strange, but displays perfectly, such as café. You can test it with the preview button.

    52. Bob G. says

      July 21, 2006 at 3:22 pm

      I once went to restaurant Nostrana
      When I entered I thought “Oh Mama”
      But the service was slow,
      And the food just so-so
      I doubt I will return manana

    53. cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 21, 2006 at 3:35 pm

      Portland hosted a large cheese soiree
      The Hilton smelled like a rotten bouquet
      The patron saint was Tami Parr
      And foodies flocked from both near and a far
      To sample fromage this Saturday

    54. cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 21, 2006 at 3:36 pm

      Ah, cheese, all Hail Mary
      Sweet corpse of rotting dairy
      Some think it smells quite sweet
      Reminds others of old feet
      It’s often delicious but scary

    55. cuisinebonnefemme says

      July 21, 2006 at 3:38 pm

      So pungent this thing, oozing white and blue-green
      It smells so nasty and obscene
      But it’s a rare morbier
      Have a taste, don’t dismay
      No thanks, I’d rather lick a latrine!

    56. Bob G. says

      July 21, 2006 at 3:49 pm

      My very favorite food is pasta
      When I have it I like to have” lotsa”
      But too many carbs is bad
      Which makes me quite sad
      And I often have to say BASTA !

    57. Bob G. says

      July 21, 2006 at 4:21 pm

      When I dine out I like a glass of nice wine
      One or two glasses is just fine
      But the prices they charge
      For a glass not too large
      I conside to be a veritable crime

    58. formerly apcow says

      July 21, 2006 at 5:27 pm

      There once was a girl from Willamina
      Whose specialty dish was from China
      Not served on a plate
      Yet it’s something we’ve ate
      Did I mention she’s from Willamina?

    59. formerly apcow says

      July 21, 2006 at 5:35 pm

      On Sunday I read the review
      By Monday I found it untrue
      Seems this meal, alas
      Much like Johnny Cash
      Was cooked by a boy named Sous

    60. formerly apcow says

      July 21, 2006 at 5:43 pm

      My meter, it seems, is all wrong
      And this line is probably too long
      I have lots of time
      To make this thing rhyme
      But it’s, like, hot as hell in this apartment so I think I’ll go get a beet salad somewhere.

    61. cognos2000 says

      July 21, 2006 at 6:27 pm

      I went out to dine with 2 Lisas
      I freaked at their pineapple pizzas
      I tell ya I was railin’
      Coz I’m a real Italian
      And those slices were just like feces

    62. arsalem says

      July 21, 2006 at 10:39 pm

      Think Alba for pasta and oysters at Jake’s
      Game hen at Pok Pok…and that’s all it takes
      For us here in Salem to moan and to cry,
      “We live in food desert–why, oh why, why
      Should you Portlanders get all the breaks?

    63. formerly apcow says

      July 22, 2006 at 12:43 am

      I think that my poems are fine
      I’ve always liked things that are mine
      If I had to vote now
      (well, exluding apcow)
      I’d probably go 49

    64. chompy says

      July 23, 2006 at 12:01 am

      Dracula, Mabel and me
      went to Café Castagna for tea;
      we had some fun
      with a hot-cross bun
      but then settled for crackers and Brie.

    65. chompy says

      July 23, 2006 at 12:06 am

      Bob, Mike and Algernon Skinner
      ordered fresh toads in custard for dinner.
      The object, I’m told,
      for this whole episode
      was – last to throw up is the winner!

    66. chompy says

      July 23, 2006 at 12:16 am

      I said to my girlfriend, “Don’t hurry.”
      when she went to “Bombay’s” for the curry,
      but after the fall
      and a card from Bengal
      I’ll tell you – I’m starting to worry.

    67. chompy says

      July 23, 2006 at 12:22 am

      A cordon-bleu chef called Don Dutton
      once described his fair wife as ‘old mutton’ ;
      this idea for a meal
      had a smidge of appeal,
      so he sliced her and diced her, the glutton.

    68. singingpig says

      July 24, 2006 at 2:38 pm

      There once was a gentleman named Knight
      Into a leafy, green salad he tried to bite
      But this salad was grown in a bog
      From under the lettuce stepped a little green frog
      Said Mr. Knight, “Waitress, I’ll have the antipasti tonight.”

      Adapted from a true story. I was told the frog was wiping the vinagrette from its eyes and looking around like “WTF just happened?”

    69. ellie says

      July 24, 2006 at 5:31 pm

      There once was a restaurant in Portland
      Considered by most unimportant
      No reviews from the Willy
      Causing crowds that were silly
      Just admiring food geeks to support them

    70. formerly apcow says

      July 25, 2006 at 11:21 pm

      My evening was quickly exalted
      When two peanuts walked in for a malted
      Forgive this old joke
      I’m about to evoke
      But one of them was just assaulted

    71. Bob G. says

      July 26, 2006 at 7:28 am

      I recently served wine from a box
      I thought my friends would pelt me with rocks
      But after some time
      They said very nice wine
      And the box is no longer a pox

    72. Shaw Millerman says

      July 26, 2006 at 12:11 pm

      There once was a man from Nantucket
      Who ate all his tapas from buckets
      I told him, go to Andina
      It’s like pisco’s in Lima
      And as for the bucket he shucked it.

    73. John E. says

      July 26, 2006 at 1:36 pm

      Eleni’s, Castagna, yea Echo,
      Taco trucks, Nueve, and Por Que No,
      Park Kitchen and Genoa,
      To them all I’ve a been-oa,
      Now, Cole Porter, where is that shad roe?

    74. Bernadette D.N. says

      July 28, 2006 at 3:21 pm

      Coffee, not just milk and bitter grind,
      but a source of strength for the mind.
      Each morning I wake, a grouch–
      to my kitchen I slink and slouch,
      and sip the joe that will make me kind.

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