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Is My Restaurant Annoying You Yet?

January 27, 2012 by PDX Food Dude 12 Comments

Zagat recently released their list of “The 10 Most Annoying Restaurant Trends“. You can see their entire list and commentary here, but you know me, I have to put in my .02.

Items I agree with –

Communal Tables: I understand why some restauranteurs like communal tables. Start-up costs are cheaper than regular tables. You can pack in more diners per square foot. That makes sense. On the other hand, I have friends that don’t go to restaurants where communal tables are the sole seating. They certainly are not conducive to romance.

I think communal tables can be nice when I’m dining alone. When I happen to be seated with the right mix of people, they can also be fun. I’ve had a few splendid dinners at Beast because of my table-mates, and have made some friendships there that continue today. However, when I am seated with some obnoxious putz who thinks he’s the world expert on food (and everyone knows I am), it gets annoying. When his wife makes more noise than a cow chewing her cud, it is also annoying. The same goes for noisy over sexed women who squeeze my leg during dinner – it’s a good story. Either way, I think they are on the way out. Er… the tables, not the women.

Chalkboard Menus: I carried this over on my list because chalkboards seem to be a new trend in Oregon, and it needs to stop. It is one thing if you are a deli, like Bunk. When I go to Thistle, and am told to check out the menu on the chalkboard, and then remember what I want when I am seated, I get annoyed. I’m old and slow… don’t make me memorize a chalk board when I’m trying to stand! An equal annoyance are specials that are written on some obscure menu just inside the front door. I never seem to notice them until I’m on my way back out. At least be classy and put a copy in my menu, like Zell’s does. Yes, Zell’s. My guilty secret pleasure. Give me a few of those lemon-ricotta pancakes and a cup of that lousy coffee, and I’m a happy man. More cream please.

Pop-Up Restaurants:  Zagat puts it best “Pop-ups are to real restaurants what hot, emotionally unavailable men on motorcycles are to love-starved 38-year-old single women – a pointless tease. The allure of pop-ups is clearly their impermanence, but are they merely a way of dodging failure? Some brilliant person thought to himself: “Most new restaurants fail within the first months of opening, so, hey, why not just open one for only that long?” Note to that dude: um, no. The odds of anybody making a profit during such a short run are slim, and what’s worse, fans of the eatery will have to say buh-bye to it the second they get hooked. Le sigh. Pop-ups are a lose-lose for everyone.”

Zing!

Items from their list that I disagree with –

Iceless Table Water: I’m going to break contrarian disposition, and argue for this one. I was in the lowlands of Scotland many years ago. My boss wanted every drink to be cold. “Ice cold”. I told him that if god wanted us to drink everything cold, we’d be surrounded by ice. That night we had a freak snowstorm. I had to drink a snow-cone beer with my eggs and black pudding. That actually sounds good now, but I digress. Cold deadens taste. Does ice-cold wine taste good? Beer? No! Serving water in bottles that people pour from themselves is more efficient (Ignore my comments about communal tables above – I’m fickle. If it is a cheap beer, yes, drink it ice-cold).

Sliders – Real men like sliders. Everyone likes sliders after one too many martinis. Would you turn one down? Here is my recipe for a good evening: three drinks, two sliders and a cab; hold the communal table.

Bread Baskets You Have to Pay For – I really dislike paying for bread. However, back in my working days, I can remember people parking over a bread basket and ordering very little else. One could give the first basket for free, but that can be awkward when the customer wants more. If, as is often the case in Portland, the bread is really good, I can see the argument for charging. Throw in some excellent butter like Bar Avignon does, and I won’t argue. They also give the server a chance to flirt and win difficult tables. “I really like you guys, so I heated up some buns – on the house”.

One night many years ago, when I was still tall dark and handsome (now I’m short, pallid and corpulent), a woman “of a certain age”, kept coming on to me. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, and was obnoxious about it, so I went in the back, looked up the local coroner/mortician, and gave her that number. I thought I was clever, until a few months later she came in, pulled me aside, and said, “You tried to screw with me by giving a phony number… but I’m marrying the guy who answered, and he’s rich!”

That story had nothing to do with this list, but it popped into my head.

So what restaurant trends annoy you the most? Educate our restauranteur readers. I’d like to know.

Related

Filed Under: Portland Food and Restaurant News and Discussion

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Tommy says

    January 27, 2012 at 4:59 am

    Loved the cougar story, FD!

    Reply
  2. Morris says

    January 27, 2012 at 8:55 am

    It’s 8 am and I just realized I’m now staring at a plate of black pudding, lorne sausage, fried bread, mushrooms, back bacon, fried egg, black pudding and breakfast sausage. Thanks a lot buddy. Seriously though – January or not – no fried tomato?

    Reply
  3. Vickie says

    January 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Those tiny tables that are already crowded with condiments, ads, vases, etc.. before your order arrives on (of course) over-sized plates. I don’t like having to use one hand to keep the plate from tipping off when I eat or playing tableware tetris to put my glass down.

    Reply
  4. Sue says

    January 27, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    I dislike the small uncomfortable chairs that go with the tiny tables. They look cute in a “period” sort of way but make enjoying a meal difficult.

    Reply
  5. Tim says

    January 28, 2012 at 9:10 am

    So where do you get black pudding in PDX ?

    Reply
  6. pdxyogi says

    January 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Totally agree about iceless table water. What is it with this uniquely American obsession with having all drinks scalding hot or tongue-numbing cold?

    Reply
  7. Best Restaurant in Edmonton says

    January 30, 2012 at 1:12 am

    How do u make black pudding, Do you have any substitute recipes for those of us who are non vegetarian

    Reply
    • Food Dude says

      January 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

      Black pudding is made using blood, so it’s not vegetarian.

      Reply
  8. Jan says

    January 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Tim, Scottish Store on Powell, they sell Irish Black Pudding, not very good or authentic (IMO)
    Food Dude, now I want black pudding, back bacon & tomatoes, Yep I am Scottish…..

    Reply
  9. Gabe says

    January 30, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Icewater: Walk in out of a cold blustery January evening into a small restaurant whose door lets in draughts of cold air because it doesn’t shut tight and get served a glass of icewater. I don’t understand this at-all.

    Reply
  10. pdxyogi says

    January 30, 2012 at 11:12 pm

    …or get served beer in a frosted glass, in the dead of winter.

    Reply
  11. bch says

    February 1, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Another ‘no’ vote for undersized tables and uncomfortable chairs.

    Reply

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